I never thought I will love this subject as it was lectured by an old man with "CraZy Frog" appearance… furthermore the class is late, I felt tired and exhausted to have an evening class. However, during my revision, I found that IPC (Interpersonal Communication) is really interesting and is closely related to our life, the relationship among our intimate partners, friends, family and other social groups.
"Communication is to a relationship what breathing is to maintaining life"
Virginia Stir
Communication is definitely vital in our everyday life, how we deal with people and the environment, how we adjust and adapt ourselves within competitive context and cultural shock, there is so many things to learn in daily life, so many to seek out and process….
Among all chapters, I like the division of stages in interpersonal relationship. People don’t start a relationship immediately, it takes several stages to reach intimacy, from impersonal into interpersonal. And these stages are best described with any kind of relationships.
Contact
The first stages where perceptual contact takes place, a person get a physical picture of other through physical appearance which is readily seen, love at first sight can happen in this stage. Than interactional contact stage were involved where that person initiate interaction "Saying Hi! and introduce self" and start engage in invitational communication "May I have your contact?"
Involvement
The 2nd stage where a person tend to learn more about another person, at the same time, reveal self to others. For guy who intended to go after a girl, he will behave actively in this stage by increasing contact with the girl, giving token of affection such as gifts, flowers, increasing his personal attractiveness and possibly flirting. Strategies being used to ensure whether a relationship has become intensify are :
Directness- Ask directly how she feels about him.
Indirect suggestion- touch intimately, show that he is serious with her
Public presentation- Introduce her as his girlfriend
Separation- separate physically to see if she will miss him and contact him
3rd party- Ask mutual friend of how she feels towards him
Intimacy
The 3rd stage is where relationship is closely established, the 2 individuals may become lover. There are 2 phase - interpersonal commitment phase: the 2 people commit themselves to each other privately OR social bonding phase: the commitment is made publicly. Of course, during these stage, anxieties may exist between the 2 individuals- either worry that he will leave her for another girl or sexually unfaithful, OR she may not achieve an equal relationship OR she will be trapped in the relationship and lose her freedom.
Deterioration
This is the 4th stage where conflicts emerged. One begins to experience personal dissatisfaction with the daily interaction and start view the future with partners negatively. Later on, one will withdraw by declining in self-disclosure (unwilling to share secrets or personal opinion) or deception (lying). Once a cute habit turns irritation. A courteous request turns demanding, ex: "Would you make me a cup of coffee?" turns into "Eh, where is my coffee?"
Repair
This is an optional stage-whether pause and repair or let the conflicts go towards dissolution. For those who intend to repair their relationship will try to analyze what went wrong and seek possible solution towards the problems, than discussion takes place in between to negotiate new agreements and behaviors that favorably to both.
Dissolution
This means separation…. for marriage couples, it means divorce.
Unfortunately, this question hasn’t come out during the final and I was so disappointed….
Everyone will come across these stages, whether they want it or not. It is naturally exist in all types of relationships. I hope that everyone can maintain their intimacy stage and not further to deterioration or dissolution.
